Wednesday, 20 May 2009

The Curse/Blessings of Kink

There are times when I wish I’d been cursed/blessed with an altogether different kind of kink. You know what I mean, something socially acceptable and possibly income accruing, such as a fetish for flower arranging. A subject you could openly discuss in front of your sisters without fear of being shunned or being locked away in a secure unit.

“And what did you do over the weekend L?”

“Oh, nothing out of the ordinary, I just visited a special friend for a discipline session…would you like to see the cane marks on my bum?”

Loud thud as sisters keel over in a dead faint.

Honestly, they have no idea. No one in my real life has a clue about my interests. At school I was voted person least likely to be kinky. You can’t explain the spanking kink to someone who just doesn’t get it. If a person isn’t wired that way then no amount of explaining will make them understand. It’s a waste of breath. Leaving aside the ‘light hearted’ connotations of kink, it’s taken me a long time to come to terms with my predilection and I don’t feel guilty about it anymore. I embrace it in my fiction, and occasionally in real life.

I need discipline in a pure sense. It isn’t a prelude to sexual activity. It’s a psychological thing. Sometimes only extreme pain can give me the release and emotional peace that I crave. I have two Dominants that I meet with, maybe once or twice a year (separately I hasten to add, I don’t go in for group therapy) they’re both male, one is younger than I am, the other is older and they’re both gentleman. Both understand the need for discipline. Both are sane and responsible and neither one of them has ever tried to take advantage of me in a sexual sense. I trust them, and that’s important. They know when I’ve had enough, even when perhaps I don’t and that’s important too, in order to avoid serious injury. It’s not just the physical discipline that counts. I like the element of control, the structure and the sense of giving myself into the care of another person, relinquishing personal control. For me a successful discipline session is almost like detox and I feel on a high for a few days afterwards. My mind is brighter and I’m more alert and attuned to the world. The worst part for me is usually two to three days later, and that’s when I get the shakes as my body uses its energy to heal itself. I feel a bit depressed, as the endorphins fade away and all I’m left with is the physical discomfort. That’s when I’d really like to have someone around to cuddle me, to hold me, someone I can emotionally relate to, someone I suppose who will take care of me. That’s the appeal of the stories I write, the submissive characters have someone there 24/7, someone who understands their needs, someone who loves them (let me hear a romantic sigh)

I’ve been told that my stories don’t contain enough sex and they’re not erotic. For me discipline (and it doesn’t have to be physical) is the element of erotica; it’s the sensual, sexual, emotional and psychological feed to the relationship of my characters. That’s what interests me a writer, why people might have a need and desire for discipline, why they might choose to incorporate it into a relationship and what form it takes, and what needs it fulfils. It isn’t all about sex.


Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you and I'm glad/relieved I'm not the only one who thinks this way. I had the feeling I was the one writing those words.
My only grief is that you're not French because it means I maybe the only one in France feeling this way. :( I write discipline/spanking fictions in french with no sex and I too often feel alone because I can't find anyone doing the same in France. Most of the time it's men who are more into sexual spankings.
I would love to write novels like you in French but I'm not sure I would find pepole to read them.
I'd so love to talk with you about our cursed/blessed kink.

Libby (pen name Fabian Black) said...

Hi Inlune,

thank you for your comment. :)

I'm pretty sure that you won't be the only person in France who has an interest in discipline/spanking fiction where the focus is on discipline rather than on explicit sex. It's just a matter of finding them, which is easier said than done I know. The spanking/discipline kink is a complex one, there are so many aspects to it. For some people it IS just a form of sexual foreplay, and that's fine, if that's the way your kink plays out then play away, but for others it's something altogether different.

I'd say go ahead and write novels anyway, just for the pleasure of indulging your creativity in your area of interest. :)

There are quite a few groups dedicated to M/M discipline fiction where the emphasis is on the discipline as opposed to sex, perhaps you know of them already? And then there's the MMSA, I think they have a French forum. I'm probably telling you things you already know, so I'll shut up. If you want to talk more my email is: