Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Goodbye, Robin Williams


When I heard about the death of the actor and comedian Robin Williams I was grief stricken. How is it even possible to be upset by the death of a person you never met, never knew in any way whatsoever, other than by virtue of their screen presence? I don’t know, but I felt a jolt of genuine grief for the passing of this man I never knew.  I read report after report about his death, and I cried. I cried for a man I never knew in any capacity whatsoever, except by virtue of his presence on the screen.

I loved Robin William’s work as an actor and comedian. I loved his films and his stand up routines, his appearances on chat shows. He made me laugh, but more often, when the laughter stopped, I felt sad. News of his apparent suicide made me cry, but I wasn’t surprised by it or shocked. To me there was a sense of inevitability about it. I always thought that even at his funniest, even when he was making an audience split their sides with laughter that there was something achingly sad about him. There was always a shadow of loneliness in his eyes. All his voices and characters, all his manic, witty, insightful and observant outpourings were covering a terrible, innate loneliness and fear. He was, I think, a man who never really felt at ease with who he was, who never really knew who he was, and that is a tragedy. 

Depression such as he suffered from never really goes away. It's a constant battle. Oh yes, sometimes there’s a ceasefire and people think you’ve beaten it, but it’s still there and you know it’s going to come back, and keep coming back. When you’re young you have the hope, if you fight hard enough, that you will win, and you really will find whatever the hell you think you’re looking for. As you get older you realise that the thing you are looking for isn't a 'thing' after all, it's a who and that who is you, and always, always out of reach. It's a fearful thing, never to be at ease with yourself. You get tired. The battles with depression get harder and harder to fight.

I think he just got tired.

Goodbye, Robin Williams. You were a beautiful, talented, funny and compassionate human being who brought happiness to so many people. If there is a God and you do meet him I hope he will give you what I think you probably longed for all your life - a clear sense of self, a sense of worth, and most of all, freedom from that soul sapping inner loneliness and fear. Be at peace. 

The one hope that all who suffer from depression must hold onto is this -  one day, someone, somewhere, will open the window that truly sheds light on the painful mystery of mental illness.  In the meantime, keep battling that mean old bastard, Depression. Don't let it win.

Friday, 20 June 2014

Brief Update and Discounts


 Am I ready to publish anything new? No. Why not? Serious health problems continue to dominate my life at this moment in time, so much so that at particularly low ebbs I wonder if I'll ever be well enough to  regain my writing mojo. I do hope so. Watch this space.

In the meantime I offer some discount codes to try and tempt anyone who might not be familiar with my brand of slightly kinky, but rather lovely gay romance fiction.  ;-)


Visit my Smashwords page: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/FabianBlack
Smashwords Discount coupons:
40 % off Spanking Dee-Dee. The code is: EC36F
50 % off Deadlines. The code is: HH55L
50% off The Jack and Danny Chronicles. The code is: AA45D
30% Moving On. The code is: NN76G
50% off Out Of Tune. The code is: VH26H

Saturday, 1 March 2014

Read An Ebook Week 2014


It’s that time of the year again: The Smashwords big promo event for read an Ebook week. Pop along to Smashwords to pick up some bargains. The event runs from the 2nd to the 8th of March 2014.

Discounts range from FREE to up to 75% off. For readers, it’s a fantastic opportunity to try new genres and new authors at a great price. Smashwords has a good selection of GLBT titles and also BDSM, spanking and discipline stories.

My own gay romance books are enrolled in the event and most are marked down to 50% off with a few freebies thrown in.

Try something new today.

Happy Spring Everyone!





Similar discounts have also been applied to my works at All Romance Ebooks and Amazon Kindle titles too. Check them out.





Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Update to 'Authors Have Feelings Too.'


Thank you to all who posted comments on my ‘Authors Have Feelings Too’ post. I appreciate the kind words of support. I feel I owe you an update.

Last year was a tough year for me on several fronts. My confidence did take a serious knock and hasn’t yet fully recovered. To add to my demoralisation sales of my books have slowed to the point of inertia, as I haven’t produced anything new and in order to stay ahead you have to keep churning out the goods.  I have never been able to handle the conveyor belt method of production.

More and more people have now jumped aboard the indie self-publishing bandwagon, including mainstream publishers who at first scorned it and declared it to be a passing fad. It is now very difficult to get yourself noticed so to speak, especially if you don’t have a big advertising budget. Some of the ebook retail sites, not satisfied with taking a meaty chunk of commission from every single sale, have gotten a wee bit greedy IMHO and have shoved their ad rates through the roof and beyond the pockets of mere indie mortals such as myself.

It seems to me that the day of the true indie author may already be in decline. It was a short-lived reign. Things will go back as they once were with agents and big publishers cornering and controlling the market and calling the shots on what, and who, will be published. I’d love to be wrong. Indie self-publishers have been unfairly castigated and condemned as bringing low quality porn into the marketplace. They have also brought more diversity than has ever been seen and introduced entire new genres to scores of readers.

Anyway, leaving aside publishing politics, to cap it all I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease in November last year and am still struggling to cope with the repercussions on both my physical and mental health. Visits to the hospital to see various consultants seem to take up a good deal of time.

Let’s take a moment to be upbeat, instead of a bloody moaning old misery, and say that I am trying to get back into the writing zone. I want to finish The Postcard series and pen other stories too. I’m trying to discard the notion that high sales are the only mark of success and that reviews (aka personal opinions) somehow matter in the great scheme of things. I’ve accepted that I will never be able to make a living from writing as such, and that’s okay. Writing is about the joy of words, the pleasure of creating characters and taking them on a journey.

So, in between hospital visits and chronic fatigue I hope the muse will be able to pencil in a date to visit and inspire me once again. It would be nice to have the words flowing out again instead of having them crawling like a geriatric slug. Fingers crossed! :-) Take care everyone. 

Fabian Black

Thursday, 10 October 2013

Spot The Cat Contest - Win Two Ebooks

I have recently revised and re-issued Winter Pink Skies and also the Phin and Adam stories: Burdens and Riding With The Wind. They both have gorgeous new cover art.

If you would like to win a copy of each of these revised editions then visit my contest page and Spot The Cat! It's so easy.  Go on, be a devil, you know you want to: Spot The Cat!




Kingfisher Sunday - Not M/M Romance


Ester Phillips writes period piece family saga fiction - stories set in the 1950’s and 1960’s.

Most of the ‘Days Gone By’ stories focus on the Mitchell’s and the Archer’s, two families whose paths are destined to cross. The stories chart the lives, times and domestic adventures of the Mitchell and Archer children and their parents and families.

Kingfisher Sunday introduces the Mitchell's, Thomas and Evelyn. It's September 1951 and Thomas and Evie are about to become parents for the second time. Evie's joy at the birth of her son is marred by the apparent indifference of her husband. Thomas is still mourning the loss of his beloved daughter Jane and feels he cannot bond with another child. Will he be able to overcome his reserve and give his son a place in his heart?

Read an Excerpt here: Kingfisher Sunday

Saturday, 21 September 2013

Rainbow's End




I was sorry to hear that the Rainbow Ebook Store is to cease trading at the end of this month. I liked the idea of a store dedicated to GLBT fiction. I also used to like 1Place For Romance Ebooks, but that also went out of business. It’s sad when the smaller more personal ventures fail while the big ‘faceless’ corporations go on and on. Good luck to the folks at Rainbow and thanks for giving it a try. It was a nice idea.